


Everything's Fine My Cherry Wine

by Reiven



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Post 3.08
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-07
Updated: 2016-12-09
Packaged: 2018-09-07 02:59:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8780494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reiven/pseuds/Reiven
Summary: There’s a rustle and a moan from somewhere under the heap of sheets and pillows but he see a mop of messy blonde hair peeking out from the corner. His mouth moves before he can even think to say anything as he calls out, “Princess Vivian? I've come to save you.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this before the latest clip came out so it’s already an AU and probably going to get even more AU when the next clip is released. I did try to incorporate a bit of the Magnus thing into the fic.

Isak hasn’t been to school in two days. He hasn’t left his room in three days. He hasn’t received a text from Even in four days. He hasn’t seen Even in five days. He doesn’t know which hurt more, the thought of Even or trying not to think of Even.

He’s staring at the entrance gate of the school when it all of a sudden hits him.

This is such a bad idea.

But then Jonas is rushing over and Mahdi and Magnus are following close behind and before he can even think, Jonas envelops him in the most encompassing hug and for those precious few moments, Isak doesn’t feel like his entire world just crumbled at his feet.

Before he can catch his breath after Jonas lets go, Magnus is right in his face and his arms are around his shoulders and all of a sudden he’s seeing Magnus in a memory that seems all too distant hugging Even in the exact same way, but in reality it was barely a week ago when it happened. The pain hits him all of a sudden, driving the breath from his lungs.  Magnus looks guilty and Isak wants to tell him it isn’t his fault but he can’t find the words to speak, but Jonas is there and Mahdi is there and in the corner of his eye he sees Sana and Eva watching him keenly from afar.

He doesn’t know how much everyone knows about what happened, he told Eskild everything and he’s pretty sure Eskild told Jonas. He thinks Sana probably blackmailed the information out of one of them at some point as well. They’ve been acting like a buffer between him and everyone else and he doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to tell them how much he appreciates them being there for him while at the same time giving him space to process everything. He doesn’t think he’ll ever really be able to.

He doesn’t want to be here, he wants to be at home, buried under a mountain of blankets and not out here in the open with people watching him like he’s about to crumble into a million pieces.

He wants to be curled up in Even’s side and feel his arms around his shoulders, hugging him, holding him close, having Even look at him like he’s the most precious sight he’s ever laid his eyes on.

But he remembers that Even isn’t there, maybe Even was never really there. Maybe it was all just his mind playing tricks on him, like Even’s mind playing tricks on him? Maybe everyone really has just been a lie.

The thoughts of Even are just too painful to think about and Isak wants to curl up into a ball and cry and scream and punch something.

Mostly, he’s just hurt.

He misses Even so much.                                                                                               

He feels like he’s been tugged in every which way, part of him wishes that the day would already be over with even though it hasn’t even really yet begun. He doesn’t want to run into Even. He doesn’t want to see his face but only because he just don’t know what to believe anymore. It hurt that Even didn’t tell him. It hurt that he had to hear it from Sonja. It hurt that a part of him believes her words, that Even never truly loved him. It hurt that he didn’t even see the signs that seemed so obviously looking back on it. But mostly it hurt that Even didn’t trust him enough to let him in.

But another part of him wants to see Even so bad. He wants Even to hold him in his arms and tell him that everything is okay. He wants to hold Even in his arms and tell him that it’s okay. That Isak is still there, that he’ll always be there, that he’ll always love Even. It hurt that those words sound like a lie even to his ears. He wants to love Even. He does love Even, but right now he doesn’t really know how to. He doesn’t know if their love was even real. Maybe Sonja was right, maybe it was Even’s mania all this time. But the rational part of him thinks that Sonja isn’t right, that Sonja doesn’t know Even as well as she thinks she does.

If what they had wasn’t real, if Even never really loved him, if everything had just been a part of Even’s mania, then why did it feel so right?

Why does standing there surrounded by his closest friends and people he loved most in the world at that moment feel so wrong?

Why does the prospect of Even’s absence in his life feel so wrong and so unbearable?

His mom loved him. Still loves him and will always love him. He didn’t realize how much he’d forgotten that feeling until he read that text. He didn’t realize how much her absence hurt until he came face to face with the prospect of not having both her and Even there filling the hole he never noticed was right there in the center of his soul. His mom told him she loved him. That she still loves him and will always love him and those words sound so right to his ears.

Maybe there was a part of him that wants to believe, that does believe that Even does love him and that he always has.

He remembers saying those words ‘I’m better off without mentally ill people in my life’ and he thinks that he has his own self to blame in part for Even not telling him the truth. But only now does he realize how wrong he’d been. The moment he cut his mom out of his life was the moment his life began to feel empty, wrong, like something important was missing. The moment he read the text, he understood how it felt to finally have a crushing weight being lifted off his shoulders, even though he never noticed that weight being there before.

Imaging his life without Even in it was like having a void inside your gut, you know it’s there and you can feel its pull and its pain but no matter what you do, no matter what you say, that emptiness will never be filled.

It felt wrong maybe because it was wrong.

He hears the words leaving his lips before his mind could even process was he was saying but by the time he realized it was already too late. The words were already out there in the world and he couldn’t take them back, everyone’s staring back at him with a look that’s half hesitance and half unsureness and a pinch of sympathy. That last bit was kind of getting annoying.

“Even?” it’s Jonas who speaks first, sharing a look between the other two. Isak’s trying to remember the question he asked but for the life of him he couldn’t.

“He hasn’t been in school either,” Mahdi continues. “I heard a couple of people from his class talking during lunch. Apparently he’s about to use up his 10 percent but no one’s been able to get in touch with him.”

Isak’s listening intently to the words as it slowly fades away into a wall of white noise. His mind keeps zeroing on the words ‘hasn’t been in school’ and ‘hasn’t been able to get in touch with him’ and all of a sudden he feels like he can’t breathe. He thinks of the last text he sent back to Even, so callous and dismissive and he feels and overwhelming sense of guilt wash up over him like a tidal wave. He thinks of what Even has been texting, song lyrics he thinks, he wasn’t really concentrating on the words he only remembers that there was a wall of them. Not unlike the religious text his mother kept sending him. He pulls out his phone, in his periphery he hears Mahdi, Magnus and Jonas talking with each other but he stops listening. He finds the text from Even and searches the lyrics on the internet for the title.

Cherry Wine from Nas.

Just the title and the artist name makes his heart skip a beat.

The first thing that comes up in the search are the words ‘It’s a song about soul mates’ and it takes all of Isak’s will power not to drop his phone and drop to his knees. He couldn’t feel more like a piece of shit if he tried.

The entire school day after that passes in a blur. Isak can’t concentrate on anything, not on the teachers, not on his friends, not on his homework. It’s only Sana keeping him afloat in science when his mind wonders off and he starts thinking of Even and his heart starts beating so hard inside his chest it feels like the whole class should be able to hear it.

Sana doesn’t say anything or ask him anything or tell him to do anything and he’s grateful. It’s taking all his will power trying to keep himself present.

All of a sudden it’s the end of the day, he only realizes it as he and his friends are walking down the corridor headed towards the exit. Isak isn’t sure how exactly he managed to get through the day but that was the only thing that mattered at that moment; that the day was officially done. He didn’t have to pretend that he isn’t falling to pieces anymore.

Mahdi is talking and Jonas is talking but Magnus is suspiciously quiet, staring at him with an unreadable look as he’d been doing almost the whole day and even in his messed up state Isak realizes how weird that situation actually feels.

They’re all standing in the courtyard together, talking about nothing, talking about everything when Sana and the girls come over. Sana looks annoyed and Eva (who he suspects already knows everything by this point as well) looks just as annoyed if not downright pissed.

“Isak,” Sana says his name in that stern, yet straight to the point way that he’s so used to. She doesn’t continue but she nods towards the entrance gate where a familiar person is standing waiting for someone, and from the way the gaze is directed his way, he’s pretty sure that someone is him. He’s not sure what to think, on the list of people he absolutely did not want to see now or really, ever again, Sonja’s name was pretty much right at the top.

But there she is, standing stoically by the gate, her eyes unreadable and stern gazing right back at him. It felt like at that moment she was staring right into his very soul.

“You want us to tell her to go away?” Eva asks and she looks far too eager to do so.

Isak swallows hard but shakes his head. There must be a reason she came all this way, or she’s come to hurt him more, then jokes on her, he’s sure there’s nothing she could say to hurt him more than he already has been.

“It’s okay guys,” he says, but on the inside he’s terrified as he takes those heavy first steps in her direction. His legs feel like they’re made of lead and his heart feels like it’s about to pound its way out of his chest. The closer he gets to Sonja—noticing out of the corner of his eye although he’s closing the distance between him and Sonja, he’s not really getting that much farther away from his friends—the more he notices how red rimmed her eyes are and how dishevelled she looks and he quickens his steps unconsciously.

They’re about a meter away from each other when he stops, the short gate standing between them like a proverbial barrier.

“Sonja,” he said, because…well, what more is there to say.

“Isak,” she replies but she isn’t meeting Isak’s eyes anymore and Isak feels like a rock suddenly materialized in his gut. “Have you…I mean—have you talked to Even lately?”

Isak’s not sure whether he’s hearing her words correctly because he’s pretty sure he heard what he thinks he heard but _why_? What game is she playing this time?

“You told me not to, remember?” he doesn’t even try to mask the bitterness in his voice. “You’re the one who said that Even never really loved me and to stay away from him. _Remember_?”

He’s completely aware that his friends and the girls are absolutely within hearing distance and part of him feels comforted knowing that they’ve all got his back. If he ever ended up being in a fight, either with fists of with words, Sana is absolutely the first person he’d want in his corner. Noora second.

Sonja looks up and locks eyes with him for a split second before she looks away. When she speaks again, he almost has to strain to hear her words but even more so that earlier, he’s not sure whether what he heard was really what he just heard. Sonja and the words ‘I was wrong’ just doesn’t compute in his mind and he doesn’t even know her well. He only knows her from Even’s side of the story. But she just said that she was wrong, _to him_ , and Isak feels like the universe is intentionally trying to fuck with him today.

“Even—Even’s…he’s not doing well,” Sonja says and Isak opens his mouth to say something but his mind can’t even process the words to speak. “He misses you. You’re the one he needs, you’re the one he needed all this time, not me and I’ve been trying so hard to tell myself otherwise, to convince myself, but…” Tears are trickling down her cheek by this point but Isak feels frozen in time. The words are coming at him like a jumble of noise and he’s trying to discern them but failing pathetically. She couldn’t possibly be saying what his mind thinks she’s saying. Why? Why now?

“You said it was just his manic, and everything we had was not real.” He hears a scoff from somewhere behind him and Jonas’s voice saying ‘Mags, shush’. “What changed?”

Sonja levels him with a look. She’s dried her tears and once again looks the calm, stoic person he saw on that sidewalk that night.

“We changed. I changed. I realized that I can’t help him anymore. That he doesn’t need my help anymore.”

“Where is he now?” Isak asks, trying to snuff a glimmer of hope trying to rise inside his gut.

“At home. He hasn’t left his house in days and I can’t even get him out of bed. You’re the only person I think of to help him. You’re the only person that he’ll maybe listen to, that can maybe get through to him. I…I can’t. Not anymore.” And all of a sudden she looks exactly the hurt 18 year old girl that she is and Isak can’t not feel sorry for her. He knows the feeling of powerlessness all too well. The feeling of loving someone you think doesn’t love you back. He doesn’t know how it really is between Even and Sonja, how his feelings for her really are, or what they were, but he knows that he’s been wrong on at least one account all this time. His mom never stopped loving him and he was too ignorant and selfish to see that until now. He vows to never let it happen again, not with his mom, not with his dad—because now he understands first-hand how his father must have felt—and definitely not with Even.

He loves Even and he’s willing to fight for that. It took him a little while to realize that and to stop acting like an asshole, but he’s ready.

Sonja levels him with an unreadable look and Isak stares at her right back.

“Take care of him,” she says and without another word, she turns on her heels and walks off. Isak doesn’t say goodbye because he knows she wouldn’t want that. She came to say what she needed to say and from his brief association with Sonja, he knows that she needs time to herself lick her own wounds and truly accept the fact that she and Even just aren’t good for each other anymore. He has no doubt that Sonja loves Even, and at some point, he knows that Even probably loved Sonja right back. But whatever happened between them made it apparent that at one point, both her and Even’s relationship became more about obligation and they just fell out of love with each other.

Isak takes a moment to breathe again before he turns to face the crowd of people who at this point have all not at all discretely converged right behind him.

“You know, my mom’s bipolar too,” Magnus says like it’s the most obvious and least dramatic thing in the world. Absolutely nothing like how Isak pictured someone saying those words would act, “And she’s the most amazing person ever. And Even’s like, the second most amazing person ever so I think there’s a direct correlation with that. Plus he’s super-hot, so Isak like, you’d be stupid to give that up.”

“You think Even’s more amazing than us? That hurts man,” Mahdi says, feigning hurt but he’s grinning.

“Well, a little, but you guys know what I mean.”

“Seriously, Magnus. Maybe you should couple with Even instead, since you have such a huge crush on him.”

Isak listens to the banter flying back and forth,  at one point Sana joins in with a ‘can you blame him though. That boy is fine’ and for the first time in almost a week, his chest stops feeling like something has it in a vice grip and the thought of Even doesn’t make him want to cry. His friends are laughing and Magnus’ eyes start sparkling when Vilde joins them and Isak knows what he has to do. He steps forward and envelops Magnus in a hug not unlike the one Magnus gave him earlier and without another word he jogs off in the direction of the tram. He hears Jonas’ voice saying ‘hey what about us?’ being shouted at his retreating back and he can’t stop the grin from breaking out onto his face.

He needs to see Even.

He just hopes it isn’t too late.


	2. Chapter 2

Isak thinks of Romeo and Juliet as he’s rushing towards Even’s place. He thinks of Even’s favourite director and the movie he was making and all the things he said while they were together and Isak feels like kicking himself. He doesn’t think it should have been obvious, Even’s probably an expert at pretending that everything is always okay and Isak knows that if Even didn’t want him to know something than there would have been no way Isak would have found out about it. Except that that he thinks that Even did want him to know, but he was just afraid of telling Isak all of it himself. But his words, his actions, the things he’s said, it feels like the section of Isak’s brain that retains information (a section he never before this even knew existed) just all of a sudden came to life. He feels like he remembers every single word, every single sentence Even ever said to him, every single look. All of a sudden all the memories come crashing into him.

He thinks about what Even said about Baz Luhrman and that a love story isn’t a epic unless someone dies. He remembers Even telling him that he doesn’t sleep, that sleep is the cousin of death and that the only way to be free of ones thoughts is to die.

Isak finds his steps quickening. He gets on and off the tram and almost breaks into a run, at the same time racking his brain trying to remember where Even’s house was.

He remembers watching the Romeo and Juliet movie with Leonardo DiCaprio, he remembers feeling absolutely spent by the end but now all his thoughts and memories, all of them do nothing but terrify the shit out of him. Even wouldn’t do anything drastic, would he? No, Isak refuses to even mull over those grim thoughts. This is Even, he was absolutely going to be okay. Isak was going there and we was going to explain everything, his confusion and his feelings and he and Even were going to work everything out and they were going to take everything one day at a time. It was all going to be okay. But Sonja’s words start invading his thoughts and he can’t stop thinking about Even not being okay, of Even not getting out of bed and being sad and depressed and knowing that he had a hand in putting him there. Even tried reaching out, but Isak pushed him away. He was scared and confused and thinking back on it now, he thinks that Even was probably scared and confused as well.

And Isak pushed him away.

He just wants a second chance to make it better. To make them better because he needs Even in his life. He wants Even in his life. He wants to take Even to the Christmas concert and introduce him to his parents. Introduce him to his mom. If these past couple of days have done nothing, they have reminded Isak of all the good times he had with his mom. The good times they used to have as a family. After his mom got sick and his dad abandoned her, bit by bit all the good memories started getting overwhelmed by the bad ones. He remembers clearly now the way his mom looked when she smiled, the sound of her laugh. Jonas used to make her laugh a lot. His dad made her smile in ways nothing else could. He’d arrived at a point where he couldn’t even remember his own mom’s smile. He sees it clearly now and he wants to see it again. He knows that his mom would like Even very much.

He reaches an intersection that jolts a memory and he quickens his jog into almost a sprint.

He’s so close, but it still feels like Even is a million miles away. It isn’t until he reaches the familiar apartment with the dark green door than he feels the frantic beating for his heart calm down slightly. He reaches for the door knob and with a heaviness in his gut that almost brings tears to his eyes, he finds it locked.

He wants to kick the door down, smash it down—something! Anything. He needs to get in to get to Even. He tries knocking and calling Even’s name but there’s no answer and Isak feels all the helplessness and despair suddenly wash over him. He leans dejectedly with his back against the door allowing his legs to give way and dropping bonelessly to the floor. He wants to cry, but he’s been through his crying phase and self-pity and it hasn’t done him any damn good. He feels the floor mat under his feet slide away as he drops to the ground.

Truthfully, it’s only by chance that he looks and notices the white thing peeking out of the corner from under the mat. He reaches over to pull it out the rest of the way and confusedly sees his name scribbled on the small bit of paper.

There’s a key taped under the note.

 _Sonja_ , he thinks but holds his breath nonetheless as jumps to his feet and he slides the key into the lock and turns, hearing with great relief the sound of the mechanism giving way and the door being unlocked.

He holds his breath as he pushed open the door and steps in.

The entire place is pitch black even though it’s still day out. Clothes and stuff are strewn across the floor and the silence is almost numbing.

“Even?” he calls out, yet again without answer.

Carefully he makes his way through the hall and towards where he remembers Even’s room is located. The door is closed and he can’t hear any sound coming from inside the room.

His heart feels like it’s beating inside his trachea by this point as he pushes open the door leading to Even’s room, trying not to think about the last time he was there, eating shit sandwiches covered in every spice known to man that were simultaneously toxic yet at the same time the best damn sandwiches he ever tasted (though that could have been due to his present company) and making a fool of himself in front of his then crush. 

He physically shakes himself out of his reverie and tries to adjust his eyes to the darkness. He doesn’t see anything that even remotely resembles Even anywhere in the vicinity which means that Even can only be in one other place.

In bed.

On the top bunk.

Isak steels himself, taking a deep breath hoping that he doesn’t startle Even into thinking he’s some sort of burglar or a perv. That was his immediate first objective and pulls himself up the wooden steps of the bunk.

He identifies the heap of blankets on the top of the bed as his person of interest and all of a sudden he’s at a complete loss of what to do.

He moves almost on instinct, his head reaching out automatically to gently shake Even awake. There’s a rustle and a moan from somewhere under the heap of sheets and pillows but he see a mop of messy blonde hair peeking out from the corner. His mouth moves before he can even think to say anything as he calls out, “Princess Vivian?”

There’s an almost imperceptible sharp intake of breath from the heap before him before Even slowly pulls back the cover to look Isak in the eye.

Even looks…sad, and defeated, his hair dishevelled and his eyes downcast. Completely unlike the Even Isak’s come to know and love. Maybe this was the Even that he was so afraid to show Isak.

Isak thinks he’s the most beautiful person he’s ever laid eyes on.

“Isak?” Even says, like he doesn’t truly believe that Isak is really there before him. Like he’s afraid that he blinks and finds out that it’s just a dream.

“Princess Vivian,” Isak says again, trying to smother the feelings of uncertainty still bubbling inside his gut, mustering up the best smile he can. “I’ve come to save you.”

Isak sees the exact moment Even’s face just crumbles and it takes all his will power not to crumble right alongside him. Instead Isak climbs up the rest of the way and crawls into bed beside Even. He’s barely tucked himself into the mattress when Even latches onto him and buries his face in Isak’s chest. He isn’t sobbing, or at least Isak doesn’t hear sobs, but he’s holding on to Isak like he never wants to let go again. Isak lets him because he never wants to let go of Even ever again.

“I’m sorry,” he hears the muffled apology and pulls Even closer into his chest.

“I’m sorry too,” he says before both of them lapse back into silence. But it wasn’t an awkward silence between two people who didn’t know what to say. It was a comfortable, fulfilled silence between two people who didn’t have to say anything. They just knew.

Isak doesn’t know how long they stay in that position. Is it night out already? He can’t tell because the whole room is bathed in darkness. But he feels Even’s warmth tucked up against his side and the comforting sounds of his breathing and he realizes that it doesn’t matter anyway.

“How many Isaks and Evens do you think are laying in this exact position in other universes?” he hears the question when Even shifts. He’s still holding onto Isak like a lifeline and he has his head laying on top of Isak’s chest instead of buried into it.

Isak thinks for a moment before he answers. “Just one,” he says and he feels Even still beside him.  “The only Isak and Even that matter.”

“In an alternate universe…” Even says suddenly after a short period of silence. “Maybe—I’m healthy…”

And Isak feels his heart break all over again. He pulls Even closer and shifts his body to the side so they’re face to face as he says, hoping that his eyes convey just how serious he is about his answer. “In this universe,” he starts, looking Even straight in the eye, reaching over to run his fingers across Even’s pale cheek, the way Even likes to do to him, “In this universe, you’re absolutely _perfect_.”

Even doesn’t react but they stay like that, staring intently at each other, their noses barely an inch apart.

“Plus, Magnus thinks you’re amazing. You’re perfect _and_ amazing.”

And Even laughs his gorgeous laugh and Isak remembers how much he misses looking at Even’s smile and hearing his laugh. Even has the most perfect smile in the world. And just like that it feels like the spell is finally broken. Even has tears glistening in his eyes from laughing and it makes Isak’s heart feel lighter seeing Even happy again.

“You’re perfect, amazing _and_ beautiful, Isak,” Even says finally, and Isak feels a grin tugging at the corner of his lips. He leans over to plant a kiss on Evens cheek and a second one on his lips. The kiss doesn’t last more than 5 seconds but it’s enough and they both relax back into the comfort of Even’s mattress. Isak pulls Even close and runs his fingers through the messy curls. The feeling is calming, almost spiritual and more and more he feels Even relax in his arms until eventually the soft whistling sounds of his breathing in and out reaches his ear and for the first time Isak finds himself face to face with an asleep Even. Isak this that this feels so right.

He reaches over into his pocket to grab his phone, trying not to jolt the mattress of move too much to rouse the sleeping Even in his arms. He puts his phone on silent and glances at the clock, discovering that somehow it’s been almost 5 hours since he rushed out of school to come to Even’s. There’s a bunch of messages in his inbox but no missed call. He appreciates his friends trying not to disturb them. He watches the clock tick by slowly almost in rhythm with Even’s restful slumber and when the minute reaches 21 of the 21th hour of the day, Isak feels in his soul that maybe the both of them will be okay. That somehow, they might find a way to make this work. There were still so many things to talk about and understand, so many questions that needs to be asked and answered, but at this moment in time, in this universe, this this messy apartment with the green door, Isak was content just laying there watching Even sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The ‘in an alternate universe, I’m healthy’ line I saw on tumblr. If the person who thought it up is reading this let me know, I’ll give you full credit.


End file.
